BEWARE OF PRINCE "CHARMIN"

By Celena Howaard
For The Sassy C~E~O


Ladies, Please beware of Prince “Charmin.”  No, I did not make a typo.  I said “Charmin”…..as in squeezable SOFT.  You see, Prince “Charmin” is the guy who melts your heart with his sad story of how he just can’t find a good woman because they don’t like nice guys, but instead settle for the no good thugs.  His story tugs at your heartstrings and has you rooting for the underdog.  And then… about three minutes into the conversation, it is revealed just why he is alone waddling in his own self-pity while cursing women for sleeping on a “good, kind, loving” brother like himself.  Now don’t get me wrong, there are definitely some genuinely good brothers out here who are being overlooked by women suffering from the temporary insanity which is the need to experience ‘thug love.”  However, in my ladies defense, the urge to experience that “ghetto love” that only a true thug can give usually does not go away until tested.  Unfortunately, the tests usually comes in the form of baby mama drama, bad credit, and let’s not forget those long visits at the correctional facilities.  As you can probably tell, I am so over thugs, but I still got the memories (ooohhh)…anyway back to the lesson at hand, keeping the ladies from falling for Prince “Charmin.”  First, you must know the types and there are many.  I have taken the liberty of naming a few for you: 

The Good Son – Sounds wonderful right?  We all want a man who loves his mother; if he is good to her then he will probably be good to you.  That makes a lot of sense; however, if he is a Prince “Charmin” he loves his mother so much that he refuses to move out.  He lives at home to “take care of” his mother even though she is the only one in the house with a job, car, and cell phone.    His room of choice is the basement, because he can bring his under-aged girlfriends in without notice.  Hey what woman over 16 wants to make love in a damp, musty, storage room right next to the water heater?  Then there’s The Messenger – I am all for spreading the good word.  As a matter of fact as a Christian, I feel that is a duty.  However, a Prince “Charmin” is a man over the age of 40, spreading the “message” in the form of rap.  Don’t get me wrong, if you have God-given talent and a need to express yourself through poetry, rap, or song, please do.  That is perfectly fine as long as it is a hobby or you are already established because at forty, your rap career should be going strong, or winding down, NOT starting up.  So unless you’re Kirk Franklin, please STOP!  Now let’s move on to The Afro-Cent-trick – this is the Prince “Charmin” who loves everything black as long as it benefits him.  He is the “I can’t get a job because of the white man, so please help a brother out” type of guy.  He is proud of his blackness because it is his ticket to do absolutely nothing.  His definition of black is Bob Marley t-shirts, dreaded locks and smoking weed from the motherland.  However, I have much love for my Afro-centric brothers who are filled with pride and making a difference in their communities by educating, employing and empowering our youth.  The brother that realizes that movement comes from hard work, and refuses to waste countless hours on video games, and music videos while waiting for their thirty acres and….oh yeah that damn mule.   Lastly, is The Cry Baby-Boy – This is the Prince “Charmin” who always wines about everything.  He constantly reminds you of how hard he had it growing up.  He lives in the past and refuses to be happy and move on.  He can’t keep a good woman because he spends countless hours telling her how bad his last woman treated him.  He has “trust issues” that you will always be held accountable for.  Without intense therapy and daily affirmations, he is a hopeless case. 

I hope that my break down has been helpful.  I am sure that most of you didn’t even realize that you were being a Prince “Charmin” Squeezable soft.  Just remember, there is hope.  To the truly good brothers out there; please be patient because anything worth having is worth waiting for.  To my ladies, no matter how good his story sounds, or how tempting it may be “please don’t squeeze the Charmin”.

FOR MORE TIPS, BREAKDOWNS, AND POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS – Please pick up a copy of my new book “BACK OFF – She don’t want your controlling, stalking, penny pinching, gossiping, pretty boy, psycho ass…”      (COMING SOON)